Random Thoughts While Wedding Planning

1. Everyone's an expert. There are more opinions on what vendor, date, dress, food, flowers, venue, beverages, favors, hotels, locations, and literally everything else under the sun wedding-related a bride and groom should choose than there are Black people voting for Trump. (Admittedly - a low bar.)

I Am Slowly Becoming My Mother (And My Goodness, I’m So Glad!)

When I was a kid, I knew the easiest way to get a “yes” from my mom was to ask while she was reading a book. She’s one of those people that gets so lost in stories, that the permission slip I’d slide under hand was a blurry distraction that she simply wanted to dispose of – no review needed. (Ask her poor husband; an evening with Stephen King means she’s reliving the stories in her sleep and he wakes up with a few bruises).

The Three Big Questions That Are None of Your Business to Ask

A few years ago, my friend marked her 32nd birthday by crying all the way through it. Not because she was worried about aging, or because she didn't feel like she'd accomplished enough or even because she was having an Eat Pray Love moment. It's because she spent most of the day responding to texts or calls that sounded like this, "Happy Birthday girl! So... did he propose??!" It probably didn't help that leading up to her birthday, various family members and friends had asked her if she was expecting a ring.

The Post about That Certificate of Purity That Went Viral

If you're reading this, you probably already heard about the young lady whose certificate of purity has gone viral. Here's a quick recap:

At 13, Bre Bowman signed a covenant with her parents committing to abstain from fornication, sexual activity, and other behaviors too - like drinking, smoking, et cetera. Fast forward to her wedding day and she gives her father a certificate of purity. This certificate is signed by a doctor and is meant to be verification that she has abstained from sexual activity.  Then she took a photo of this certificate and shared it on social media; and the rest is viral Internet history. 

I'm a Pro-Life Christian and I Support Planned Parenthood

What does pro life mean to me?

At the risk of being told that I am misleading, I want to clarify what I mean by pro life. When I say I’m pro life, I mean we should be concerned with the lives of folks who indisputably have life, and that they have it more abundantly (John 10:10 - did I mention I am a Christian too?)  

The term pro life implies that the opposing side is pro death, and perhaps that was intentional. But I don’t think it’s fair. To me, pro life is a stance that should extend beyond the abortion issue.

Everyone Does (At Least) One of These Four Things That Annoys Us All. Stop It.

I know I haven't blogged in quite some time. Please forgive me, but I'm a full time student who also works full time. When I do get a free moment, I usually end up rewatching episodes of Girls trying to catch up on some reading. Nevertheless, you people have inspired me. You people, yes... you, the American people have inspired me to issue an important memo about things we all do that we all hate. Sometimes you don't realize that these things are annoying until it's your birthday and no one wants to come to your party. (But you can cry if you want to; I would cry too if it happened to me).

Choosing Your Boo Over Your Friends or a Career - a Bad Idea?

Recently, I was talking to a friend who told me about her plans to attend law school soon. Of COURSE, I suggested that she apply to USC here in Los Angeles. To paraphrase her response, she said, “I know it sounds bad, but I want to stay in DC, close to my boyfriend.” Even after I assured her that there was nothing wrong with that, she continued to explain her decision, as if anticipating pushback. People, particularly women, are often told from the time they can pick up a Ken Barbie to:

“Never make important decisions based on a man.”

A similar mantra taught to both men and women is:

“Never choose your man/woman over your friend. Relationships come and go; friends are for life.”

You Give Jesus A Bad Name (More than just a Bon Jovi Parody)

North Carolina is pretty awesome, specifically Charlotte. It’s pretty. They have several Cook-Out locations. Gas is only priced at half past ridiculous. My mom lives there, and my niece is only an hour or so away. But it seems like someone sneaked a couple bigotry roofies in everyone's sweet tea.

North Carolina is often viewed as a “purple state” because it is home to a fair share of both Democrats and Republicans. In 2008, North Carolinians voted for President Barack Obama and went Blue for the first time since Jimmy Carter’s administration. But yesterday, the country was reminded of just how red North Carolina can be. 

The WingWoman is Really Not Your Friend

I write this post, regrettably out of personal experience. The silver lining is that because I’ve been there, I can easily recognize this syndrome and help fight it. (Note: I was this person a LONG time ago, so for those of you that know me and my friends, there’s no need to speculate about those friendships. Lol)

Have you ever heard the phrase “waiting in the wings?” As an idiom it refers to any person who is waiting, often in anxious anticipation, for their turn at some task or opportunity. 

Men or Women: Who Decides to Define the Relationship?

Several months ago I was talking to my dad about a guy I’d gone on a few dates with. A few days later, our follow-up conversation went a little something like this:

 

Dad: So how’s your boyfriend?

Me: What boyfriend?

Dad: The guy you were talking about the other night.

Me: Oh, um. He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just hanging out, getting to know each other. I’ve only known him for like a month.

Dad: A month?? And you two haven’t at least discussed dating each other exclusively? Are you dating other people? Is he dating other people? What’s wrong with your generation?

To Snoop or Not to Snoop

About a year ago, a girlfriend of mine called me mid-rage asking me and another friend to come over to check out some “evidence.” We headed over and crowded around her Macbook where her boyfriend had left his Gmail (and chats) up, just waiting to be searched. And boy. Did we uncover a treasure trove. I have to admit, while the language was strong and the content wasn’t all that surprising to any of us (we’d suspected it for months), seeing those exchanges in black and white might have been one of the most difficult things she’d ever experienced. We hit her with all the clichés (“He just wasn’t ready for a real woman like you… You need to throw his stuff outside!”).

It's Not as Black and White as You Think (Interracial Relationships)

By a large margin, my most popular blog post is "Reasons to Date a Black Man". Many people presumed that I have an unwavering loyalty and dedication to dating and/or marrying a Black man. These people are mistaken.Every woman (and man) has a list of things they consider important when choosing their significant other. Some things are requirements (a desire to have children) and others are preferences (a college degree). For example, I prefer men taller than me (notice I said taller than me, not necessarily tall). I prefer men who like to read books. I strongly prefer men who are willing to adopt at least one child. This doesn't mean I won't end up married to a man who's 5'7" and can't make it through a magazine article. 

Women are Chivalrous Too

I think my friends over at VerySmartBrothas.com provided a great service for the world when they wrote, "The verysmartguide to 21st century chivalry." Most men stillopen doors without a second thought. (I always find it charming, when guys have a low-key anxiety attack when you're walking on the outside and physically move you to the inside of the sidewalk.) 

But some men are grudgingly chivalrous. A friend of mine has asked me at least twice, "What is the female equivalent to men's chivalry? What do you all do that warrants our gentlemanly behavior?" 

3 Things That Will End Racism (of the Black & White Variety)

Racism shapes our politics, interactions with others, and seating arrangements on the bus. For example, after our country elected the first president of African descent, he was attacked about 17 hours into his presidency for not doing enough. (Look at my eyes... roll em. - (c) Kevin Hart.) Some of it was because people are desperate for jobs, decent health care, and an end to the conflicts overseas. But for some, it was because they just don't like the idea of the most powerful position in the world being held by an African-American.

5 Reasons to Date a Black Man

I was a little conflicted about writing this, because people often assume that when you proclaim your love for one thing, you are simultaneously stating your hate or dislike for another. But, the article written by Lashaun Williams forced it out of me. She wrote an article entitled. "8 Reasons to Date A White Man." I don't disagree with the premise; I am open to more than just my own ethnicity/racial background. But the "reasons" she listed are an explicit summation of gross, hyperbolic, and racist generalizations about a rather large demographic.

Freedom of Speech for All (Except the Gays!)

What is Don't Ask, Don't Tell?The full name is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Harrass, Don't Pursue." It is commonly referred to as "DADT" and is a policy barring openly gay, lesbian, and bisexual people from serving in the military. You can be a closeted homosexual, but you can't "demonstrate(s) a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts." Yes, we are still talking about the United States. I promise!